A weekly feast of celebrity diets with a side of fitness trends

Posts tagged ‘stupid’

Gut Therapy

Let’s face it…

Your gut probably looks like…

Or

All thanks to

And lots of…

But very little…

While I may or may not be saying “I told you so,” (way to watch my Thanksgiving video, seriously) that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to help you help your gut.

(However if you look like Paris Hilton when you get out of the car… I will just point and laugh. Dofus.)

You see, when you detox your gut (which is comprised of you liver, kidneys and intestines) from all the fat globs and excess alcohol you pounded last week, you will enhance your immune system, thus lessening your risk of getting sick this winter.

Looking a little under the weather there Hill.

Why don’t you try and avoid continuing to live the Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears lifestyle throughout the holidays.

Instead…

  • Lay off the alcohol, drugs and tobacco as much as possible. Tell Cheech and Chong that you’ve got to cool it. 
  • Take a stress break every so often. You don’t need to be first in line to buy the newest Ferbie? (Yeah, apparently those are back)
  • Cut down on over-the-counter drugs. Only ignore this if your in-laws are REALLY pissing you off.
  • Drink like a fish (water that is). Wait, do they even drink? I need a marine biologist!
  • Eat high fiber fruits and vegetables. Time to buy some Beano!
  • Shun fried foods and processed foods. No more deep-fried Twinkies for you!

Wait, hold the phone. These tips actually sound like the lifestyle you should be living every day, not just after a gluttonous meal.

So if these tips were a pony, jump on them and go for a ride!

Okay, that didn’t make any sense at all…

Wee!

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How To Ward Off Vampires

I was sitting in Sarah Michelle Gellar‘s kitchen watching her stir a vat of cabbage soup the other day when she revealed a bit of inside scoop about her days on the set of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

She told me that her vampire ass-whooping moves (you know, the ones that motivated you to take up karate) weren’t the actual cause of “death” to the blood suckers that kept popping out from behind headstones. Instead, she told me that they all perished because of one very potent repellant that she always had “on hand”.

Sarah, I am sorry, but I am going to have to disclose your “secret” because… Well, it’s just plain stupid and everyone must know (after all, Halloween… It’s all about the prevention against vampires, unless of course… You’re any of the sexy ones from True Blood or wait, those two from The Vampire Diaries… Mmmm, YUM! 

I wouldn’t be a good friend if I wasn’t truthful, right?

If you want to know the TRUTH… Watch the SEASON FINALE of GiGi Eats Celebrites!

Mmm… Scrumptious! GiGi Eats Celebrities!

Head on over to the GiGi Eats Celebrities YouTube channel and subscribe!

Take a gander at what I really think the ideal diet and exercise plan is.

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Catch Up With This Condiment

Ah ha ha, totally laughing at the title of this blog post… I am just so creative, no? Can you guess what condiment I am discussing today?

Any ways… As you can tell summer is drawing to a close. No more thong bikinis… Nut huggers…

Sad right?

Oh wait, maybe you still wear these things around your house.

The changing seasons doesn’t mean you’re going to be putting the hot dog and hamburger condiments away though so it would be really smart for you to watch the latest episode of GiGi Eats Groceries.

I expose… and I mean EXPOSE one condiment… and it’s not even wearing a thong? Okay, I have no idea where that thought came from, but go with it.

Check it out! It’s quite scandalous!

AND SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD! 

Mmm… Scrumptious! GiGi Eats Celebrities (or I guess Groceries today)!

Head on over to the GiGi Eats Celebrities YouTube channel and subscribe!

Take a gander at what I really think the ideal diet and exercise plan is.

Follow GiGi Eats Celebrities on Twitter!

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Liquid Salads

I recently discovered a bag of salad greens that must have thought it was playing hide and seek with me (spinach is quite the ace at hiding in my fridge apparently) because when I checked out the “use by” date, let’s just say it was… past its prime.

RAUNCHY! The sell by date says NOVEMBER 2011!

The leaves resembled something that might come out of a cow’s ass and you know what? When I opened the bag (yeah, not too sure WHY I did that), it brought me back to my youth when I used to shovel shit at the ranch I worked at every summer.

Definitely as FUN as it looks! Hey look, she’s from Wyoming too! (No, we are not related)

Well a few days ago when I opened my first bottle of Pressed Juicery, my nose had quite the deja vu of the manure field.

Whoa! Climbing to the top of that mountain takes more oxygen than climbing Mount Everest!

In Pressed Juicery‘s defense, I really think I just ordered poorly. You see, I selected Greens 1 which is full of kale, spinach, romaine, parsley, cucumber and celery. Eating chalk sounds better than slurping down that. When I tried my friend’s Greens 3 though… 

I went from… 

To…  

Wait, maybe I am just happy to ORDER SOME REAL FOOD!?

Clearly adding apple, lemon and ginger MAKE QUITE THE MOUTH PLEASING DIFFERENCE! 

Pressed Juicery Greens 3

But wait, why did I put myself through this liquid roughage torture?

Well, I mean, all the celebrities are drinking it, so I had to see what the fuss was all about. (Read that line in a sarcastic tone please) 

Nicole Richie, Rooney Mara, Zooey Deschanel, Gwen Stefani, Minka Kelly… the laundry list of celebrity names could continue (but that reminds me, I have to do laundry); they’re all obsessed with these liquid salads! Some even go to the extreme of ONLY drinking the juice for a few days to lose weight. 

While solely drinking these bottles of vegetables is definitely NOT recommended AT ALL… These juices are actually quite healthy and make the perfect in between meal snacks or a great way to down some veggies quickly. 

The only problem with these drinks is that they lack fiber. And we all know fiber… is what makes you… well, you know! That’s why I say these are good as snacks, but not great as meal replacements, so do yourself a favor and continue to eat your balanced meals throughout the day. 

So why exactly are these celebrities obsessed with downing mixtures including beet, carrot, kale, spinach, romaine, parsley, cucumber and celery? Vegetables are full of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants known to rev energy levels, clear skin, reduce inflammation in the body and oh so much more! 

So yes, this fad may actually be a good one, just as long as you follow it appropriately, IE: you keep eating your healthy balanced meals.

As for me, the fact that half of my Greens 1 bottle is still in my refrigerator is a pretty good indication that I will just stick with real salads! 

My favorite salad on the FACE of the planet! Salad Nicoise – This would actually taste BOMB if it was “pressed”!

Donald Duck, It’s Time To Put Your Pants On

Indecent Exposure.

X-Rated Displays.

Salacious Exhibition.

Pant-less in a Public Setting.

These are problems/issues that have plagued American society for years. I must apologize in advance for this tangent, but this issue was brought to my attention while idling in Los Angeles traffic, by a rather astute gentleman, who most certainly wears pants, my brother. When moving through traffic that moves about as slow as lava flowing up hill, you need something to talk about or else you will go crazy! In this case though the traffic only granted my brother extreme clarity.

In our conversation we discussed how cartoons regularly seem to defy our country’s “put some pants on in public” law and consistently get away with it!  I have never once seen Tony the Tiger or Baloo from the Jungle Book get tackled and tasered by police due to their lack of trousers.

Why can’t I NOT wear pants in public?! I can barely begin to fathom how much time I have wasted trying to select the best ass-hugging pants to wear. 

The image these cartoons, I’m looking at you Daffy Duck, are portraying to children (and some “adults”) is sick!

IT MUST BE STOPPED!!!

Celebrities such as Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj, have been heavily influenced by these pants-less cartoons. Have you seen the outfits they wear in public? It’s like they hired Bugs Bunny or Garfield as their stylists.

If this continues, it will only get worse. The youth of America are easily persuadable and these cartoons only reinforced the notion that being bottomless in public is A.OK.

Honestly though, with obesity rates so high in America these days, I don’t think anyone would want to see their neighbors, pant-less, strutting his or her stuff through the produce section at the grocery store. Think about it! For every one person that you wouldn’t mind seeing, there are nine that you most definitely do not want to see!

You’re lucky I could CROP this photo!

These cartoons must PUT SOME PANTS ON, even leggings will do! It is an outrage that no one is talking about it!

I am frankly shocked that this has yet to be debated by President Obama or his Republican challenger Mitt Romney. Hopefully, in one of the upcoming debates.

Below is a slide show of the guilty parties:

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Really Peter… Common Brian, did you NOT just read what I said?!

Uma Loves A Threesome

Who would have thought Uma Thurman to be of the kinky sort. Poison Ivy… what a hot porn star name. 

There are only two men she will get frisky with at the same time though. 

Ben & Jerry!

You know you’re curious, don’t lie! Check out the latest episode of GiGi Eats Celebrities and figure out just how sticky this situation truly is! 

Mmm… Scrumptious! GiGi Eats Celebrities!

Head on over to the GiGi Eats Celebrities YouTube channel and subscribe!

Take a gander at what I really think the ideal diet and exercise plan is.

Follow GiGi Eats Celebrities on Twitter!

Like GiGi Eats Celebrities on Facebook!

Mesmerized By Mariah’s Wacky Diet

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

Mariah Carey did come clean to numerous magazines about how she rid the baby weight she gained after shooting out twins from her WHO-HAW in 2011. Apparently she had Jenny Craig hold her hand as she tried not to slip and fall in her own sweat at the gym.

(You dominate that treadmill Mariah!)

But I cannot help but bring up a diet she tried back in the day that is just utterly head-scratching.

Food Combining.

Wait, aren’t we all on this diet? I mean, you put the turkey on the (WHOLE GRAIN) bread with the (GRASS FED) cheese and the mustard… 

Not exactly…

Rules of Food Combining:

  • Starch & Sugar should not be eaten with protein and acidic fruits
  • Starch and Sugar should only be eaten with oils, cream or butter
  • Non-Root Vegetables should be eaten with EITHER starch or protein
  • Wait four hours between starch laden meals and protein filled meals

Mariah noted that this diet was so EFFING confusing, she decided to just stop eating. That’s how she wound up losing enough weight to be able to fit back into her high school cheerleading outfit. 

(Captain of the cheerleading squad?)

Okay, I have no idea if she was on the cheerleading squad, she could have been the bad ass behind the dumpster toking up for all I know, but she did note her body was back down to the size of a 17 year olds’. 

(Just the way Nick Cannon likes it) 

Don’t start digging your extra large spoon into a tub of cream topped with sugar because you think Mariah’s body looks “banging”. 

Multiples studies state, “the idea that certain foods and nutrients were not intended to be eaten together is not logical.” 

  1. We were designed to consume breast milk as babies to grow and thrive. Breast milk is a combination of carbohydrates, protein and fat.
  2. The body was designed to secrete a variety of digestive enzymes, which are capable of breaking down any food or combination of nutrients at the same time. 
  3. Most foods naturally contain a combination of carbohydrates, protein and fat that aren’t designed to be separated. 

Hopefully Mariah’s stint on American Idol is a little less fleeting than this more confusing than calculus diet she tried back in the day. 

(Mariah’s approach to food combining: Big Mac, Fries and a Soda)

What do you think of Mariah’s old diet? Do you think it’s a stupid fad or do you believe in food combining?