A weekly feast of celebrity diets with a side of fitness trends

Posts tagged ‘Business’

Gut Therapy

Let’s face it…

Your gut probably looks like…

Or

All thanks to

And lots of…

But very little…

While I may or may not be saying “I told you so,” (way to watch my Thanksgiving video, seriously) that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to help you help your gut.

(However if you look like Paris Hilton when you get out of the car… I will just point and laugh. Dofus.)

You see, when you detox your gut (which is comprised of you liver, kidneys and intestines) from all the fat globs and excess alcohol you pounded last week, you will enhance your immune system, thus lessening your risk of getting sick this winter.

Looking a little under the weather there Hill.

Why don’t you try and avoid continuing to live the Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears lifestyle throughout the holidays.

Instead…

  • Lay off the alcohol, drugs and tobacco as much as possible. Tell Cheech and Chong that you’ve got to cool it. 
  • Take a stress break every so often. You don’t need to be first in line to buy the newest Ferbie? (Yeah, apparently those are back)
  • Cut down on over-the-counter drugs. Only ignore this if your in-laws are REALLY pissing you off.
  • Drink like a fish (water that is). Wait, do they even drink? I need a marine biologist!
  • Eat high fiber fruits and vegetables. Time to buy some Beano!
  • Shun fried foods and processed foods. No more deep-fried Twinkies for you!

Wait, hold the phone. These tips actually sound like the lifestyle you should be living every day, not just after a gluttonous meal.

So if these tips were a pony, jump on them and go for a ride!

Okay, that didn’t make any sense at all…

Wee!

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Pregnant with a Cheesy Gordita

Hey, check it out, a ticking time bomb.

Jess, question. Did Eric implant a baby elephant in your belly because the way you have been eating has a lot of us very confused and some even a little concerned.

Kiddie cereals, macaroni and cheese, southern fried… EVERYTHING and buttered pop tarts? Your baby sounds like it is training to beat the Black Widow in a food eating competition!

Unless you want to give birth to a baby sumo wrestler, you may want to rethink your dietary choices, although, since you’re so far along in your pregnancy, it may be pointless for you at this point.

Gaining more than 35 pounds during the nine months leading up to the “amazing fiesta” in the delivery room, can lead to numerous problems including hypertension and diabetes. The heavier you get, the larger your baby gets and the more likely you will have deliver the baby via c-section. Scars are so not in Jessica, luckily I am sure you’re team of beauty experts already bought out the department store section of scar erasing lotions!

And even though you signed a deal with Weight Watchers as motivation to sweat off those ice cream and twinkie binges, losing the baby weight is still going to be as grueling as climbing Mt. Everest during Nepal‘s worst blizzard in history.

Now it may sound as if I am attacking you Jess, but I really am not! I am team Simpson ALL THE WAY! I am just concerned for you and your baby’s health. I want you to be as healthy as you possibly can during this time of your life that apparently you have been waiting for since you pretty much popped out of your mother’s womb!

So congratulations Jessica… and Eric, but do you really need to continue to eat enough for a family of ten on Thanksgiving?